Top ten most dreaded night float pages

Here's a list that I compiled last year while covering intern night float, which at our institution means cross-covering on 100+ patients for all the major and minor problems that occur after hours, or as one of our attendings puts it, the "things that go bump in the night."

Most of these contain inside humor, usually the implication of an especially onerous task. I left out "Doctor, I wanted to let you know that your patient's blood pressure is 135/70. . .oh really? You're not concerned?. . . you just had fallen asleep?. . . sorry, doctor" as it fits more in the annoying category than dreaded one.


10. Doctor, Ms. Adams is crying again, could you please go talk to her?
9. Doctor, the patient was just found down on the floor. . .no, we’re not sure how long he’s been there. . . no, he doesn’t know how he ended up there. . .
8. Doctor, the lab just called about Ms. Baker, you know, the one you were just examining. . .she has scabies. . . you mean you weren’t wearing gloves?
7. Doctor, I just finished vital signs rounds. . . you may want to sit down for this. . .
6. Doctor, the patient is refusing to take her psych medications. . . she says the voices tell her she shouldn’t. . .
5. Doctor, the patient’s iv just infiltrated. . .but doctor, he has no veins!. . .well doctor, his iv antibiotics were supposed to start 4 hours ago and his temperature is 102.4. . .
4. Doctor, the patient still hasn’t had a bowel movement and is complaining of worsened bloating and abdominal pain. . .no, that’s right, neither the fleets, soapsuds nor oxbile enemas had any effect. . .
3. Doctor, the patient’s pain seems to be improved, but she is no longer waking up. .
2. Doctor, the patient just pulled his NG tube out again. . . yes, he’s still wearing the four point hard leather restraints and straitjacket. . .
1. Doctor, the patient’s pulse just shot up to 230, his blood pressure is 240/120, and he’s complaining of chest pain. . . no, only two of the three bags of cocaine that he swallowed have passed so far with the golytely

posted by Wyatt @ 10:03 PM Comments: 1